Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
