my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
