One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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