I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
