Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
