My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
