he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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