I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
