We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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