I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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