that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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