Four minutes until I can fart!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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