I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
MIDGETS
????
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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