I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
