My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
