You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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