dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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