watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
