lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
