remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
