So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
