So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
