There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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