my mouth tastes like poor choices
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i out mim tonsoeep
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
