He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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