hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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