I'm really into asian looking animals
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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