I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
