Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
