i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
