Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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