Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
