i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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