whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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