I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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