Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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