So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
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It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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