You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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