I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
