Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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