my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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