she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
