Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
