Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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