Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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