pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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