the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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