I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Boobs are out for the taking
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
