someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize