i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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