She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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