I'm so fucking centered right now
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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