What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
