sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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