Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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