saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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