But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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