Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
