Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
