Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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