if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it's like iHOP with fire
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The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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